1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises, such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We shall let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish between the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Henceforth, Hollywood shall be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should reclaim your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen" - but only after satisfactory completion of Task 1 above. We would not want you to get confused and give up half-way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every 20 seconds, or wearing full kevlar body armor like total nannies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde ("merde" is French for "s ...", an English commoners` word of which a sovereign isn`t supposed to be aware). The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecision Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. That is for your own good and protection, because they are all made like merde. When we show you some German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.